Die Hard is perfect, part 2

This is a continuation of my post on why Die Hard is such a perfect movie. I suggest starting there.

Dialogue, Character, and Plot

Every line in the movie adds to the film.  Nothing is wasted. And if there is something, I can't see it.  Yes, there's a reason I'm not breaking this up, mainly the dialogue feeds into both the character and the plot ... and because character adds an extra dynamic to this plot.



The first scene alone does so much, it's stupid. Remember, the scene is John McClane talking to the passenger next to him on an airplane.  It gives him a reason to be shoeless during the movie, and establishes his profession, and is already adding to his character by both giving us his CV in a smooth, effortless way. It establishes his anxiety about flying, giving him a cute character trait.  Also, it already shows us just how much of a smartass he can be... McClane's shoeless wardrobe "choice" in the film leads into a brilliant, brilliant moment that deeply hurts him later on.



We've already covered how the Rolex adds to the plot, and that was all covered in three lines of dialogue -- it both underscores Ellis' pursuit of Holly, struts it before John McClane, and dangles this metaphorical gun in front of the audience's face without anyone realizing how integral ANY of it actually is. Ellis, who has few lines in the movie, serves many functions. One, his presence gives a counterpoint to McClane's actions throughout the film -- no matter how many gunman McClane takes out, he's still only one person. Ellis is one of the many realists in this film, but the only one who is among the hostages.



Ellis' strutting egomania, his coke problem, and his focus on Holly all culminates in the pinnacle of his arc. His egomania and his drug problem drive him to try and negotiate with Hans and company -- he thinks he can talk them down, give them what they want, and they can all go home. And while he gives them McClane's name and occupation, Ellis makes it a point to spin the story that he brought McClane to the party, and there is no mention of Holly. For such a minor character, Ellis provides a lot.... even though giving up John's name will eventually lead to Holly.  And his death is one of the few things that hurts McClane.



And that's a secondary character. Maybe even tertiary.

Dialogue establishes a lot in this movie. It establishes Mr. Takagi's character and backstory with Hans' first speech, and adds an emotional blow to Takagi's death.  The offhand lines about needing the FBI, and "it's all part of the plan" feed into the turning point of the film, and a mystery that is on par with any twist by Mission: Impossible, Leverage, or Jeffery Deaver.  In fact, I would say that Deaver was warped by Die Hard.



A lot of things in the second half of this movie are almost perfect mirrors to stuff from the first half.  The conversation between John and Holly in (what I think is) her private bathroom leads directly to a conversation that is the turning point of the film... which is also in a bathroom.  McClane is at his lowest point. He's been wounded physically and emotionally. It's the flip side of the earlier conversation with Holly, and while it's depressing, it has a point, and also accomplishes much.  McClane's relationship with the LAPD Sgt. Powell, outside of the building comes to a head, and it leads directly to the punchline.

Dialogue, and the Little Touches

And there are aspects that are not major, massive plot points, but are little things. It was Michelangelo, I think, who said that trifles make perfection, and that perfection is no trifle.  In the case of Die Hard, it's the small things that add a surprising amount of character to people who serve some very basic functions.

Heck, just look at the character shown in Hans' merry band of killers, and the LAPD, who are most assuredly the most basic part of this endeavor.

For example, look at "Karl."  He's the Bond Villain sidekick of this film.  But the first time we see him is carrying a chain saw, about to cut the phone cables for the building...and he's competing against another gunman, who's trying to either bypass the alarm for the building, or cut the phone system via a more elegant, less brutal fashion, I could never tell.  But you could tell from that scene alone that the two gunman are brothers, and that the death of the younger brother by McClane (the first gunman he kills), drives Karl throughout the film, giving him solid reasons for actions that are detrimental to Hans and his plans.

Then there's the terrorist who sets up shop in a confection stand, bringing out piles upon piles of gun magazines .... and grabs a candy bar.

Then there's Theo, the Hacker. Who gambles, likes sports and sports analogies, and takes his computer job seriously, yet treats everything else with a sense of levity.  He's dour and serious about breaking into the computer and the building's vault, but cracks jokes as he coordinates the gunmen to shoot and blow up a bunch of cops.

And then there's the chauffeur, Argyle, whose presence in the film is almost comic relief -- whether we're laughing at his obliviousness to the situation, or his line to the stuffed animal to "shut up," and even his little victory over Hans' hacker.

Conclusion

Obviously, I can go on forever about this movie (as though I haven't already), but let's face it, it's a good film with lots of little things thrown in that make it a great movie. Notice, there are a whole bunch of things I didn't mention that are also writing moments.

Such as?

Hans and McClane, face to face, giving the audience a much-needed confrontation between hero and enemy... 

Enough C4 to Orbit Arnold Schwarzenegger..."Heinrich had the detonators"... all feed into the finale...

Why Hans is possibly the most quotable movie villain ever. He's cultured, he's educated, he's well dressed, he reads all the "right" magazines, and he's such a cold-blooded, callous murderer...

How Die Hard also has elements of parody, going after both the media and the FBI.

There's a lot here, but this article is almost two thousand words long already. Though I think there's no denying that Die Hard could be used to teach writing classes.

Why Die Hard is the most perfect movie ever: A Writing Blog

I've been meaning to do this for a while now, but Die Hard is a perfect movie.

Seriously, perfect. From almost every angle.  Writing-wise, it's a textbook marvel of how to write. Cinematically, it's perfectly shot. Acting wise, it's pitch perfect.

Let me show you what I mean.  At least writing-wise.  I'm not sure I'm good enough to do this for cinematography, but I may give it a shot later on.  I started writing this expecting to go over everything I mentioned, but I may not be able to.  There's a LOT to cover in one topic alone.  In fact, I'm going to break up this blog into two parts. Maybe three.  Also, there will be a Christmas short story launching today: Deck the Maul.

And obviously, spoiler alert.

Quotable Quotes

We all know that the dialogue is brilliant. If Die Hard is not the most quoted and quotable film out there, it's probably in the top ten list.  Tell me you can't see the exact moment, or fill in the blanks of all of the following...

In German: "Karl, schieß dem Fenster."

".... and father of five."

"Happy Trails _____"

"Boom! Two points!"

"I'm going to count to three. ________ there will not be a four."

"Rumor is that Arafat buys his there."

"What kind of _____ are you?"    "Who said we were ______?"

"No Relation."

"We're going to need some more FBI guys."

"I don't want ______ I want dead."

"HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSS.  Why'd you have to __________?"

"That man looks ________."  "He's alive. Only John _________"

And, of course, "Yippie Kay Yay, _________"



We all know that.  However, what I mean is how well the Gun in Act One is utilized.  Don't know what I mean? Also called Chekov's Gun.

Chekov's Gun

Basically, if you're going to fire a gun in act three, you show the gun in act one.  Conversely, if you show the gun in act one, you better follow up on it in act three.  It's a basic plot point, and basic setting up said point. You take an item you show early on, and you whip it out as a plot point in the last round.



Agatha Christie did it a lot -- showing you something constantly, and revealing that it's of dire importance to the solution of the mystery.



In the case of Die Hard, small, little things impact the plot all over the place. Everything from the cocaine problems of Gary Ellis to a simple stupid Rolex watch.  Don't believe me?  Let's review a few things.



If you remember the story, NYPD officer John McClane heads over to LA to visit his separated wife Holly for Christmas at her place of business.  Using the computer that runs the building, he has discovered that his wife is going by her maiden name. He also finds that she has a sleezy suitor, Gary Ellis -- Ellis has a bit of a drug problem, and is lusting after Holly. Then terrorists take over the building.



And every single sentence of that paragraph is integral to the plot.



Obviously, the terrorists and McClane heading over to LA are the plot, but everything else feeds into it.



Holly using her maiden name seems like a petty relationship problem, but using her maiden name keeps her alive, even after the terrorists find out who McClane is. In a fit of frustration, early in the film, Holly slams down her family photo ... which is a good thing, because the leader Hans takes over her office, and doesn't realize who she is until the last act.



The fact that the computer runs the building is the only way that the terrorists can take total control over an entire skyscraper.



Ellis' drug problem escalates as the movie goes on, making him take a risky chance with Hans that will cost him his life ... but at the same time, his desire for Holly keeps him from turning her over, and Ellis even makes it a point to stress that he didn't give Holly up. Before the terrorist takeover, Ellis shows off that he gave Holly a Rolex ... which became the second-to-last "gun" fired in the entire movie.  If you remember the film, you might remember that Ellis' watch kills Hans, and saves the day.



If you don't remember how the watch saves the day, that's one thing I'm NOT going to spoil.



To be continued in PART TWO.

Taking a stand, for the last time.

Last week, I said that A Pius Stand is coming.

It's finally going to be over.



If you've been with this blog since the beginning -- or if you've read "Pius Origins" link on the sidebar -- you know that this started out as a history paper gone amuck. It was a graduate paper in which I examined the truth behind Pope Pius XII and the Holocaust.



SPOILERS FOR A PIUS MAN, but, what I learned from my research was simple. Pius XII did more than any one person to save people in Europe during World War II.  More POWs. More Jews. More refugees. Because life was precious, and if they didn't like it, they could just come and get him.



But if you read any media around Pope Pius XII, you get Hitler's Pope. And Susan Zuccotti. And John Cornwell. And Gary Wills and Michael Phayer. The Wiki page on it has become more balanced, but still incomplete. You don't even want to know what it looked like when I started writing.  All of these great big names trying to spin a story I know to be false, and I spent a whole four months looking at primary documents as a grad student in America. They were journalists and historians. They should have known better.



I don't like liars.



The Pius Trilogy started out as a devotion. One that I tried to make readable for everyone. I wanted the opening to be dark and ominous to trap anti-Catholic to reading on, until they are so hip deep in the book that by the time that the revelation is given, the trap springs shut.



END SPOILERS.



The short version is, this was a devotion.  This was to sing the praises of God and His followers. This was a devotion to the truth, and a war on lies. At the same time, I was making it readable for other people. Heck, one of my friends on Facebook became a friend of mine BECAUSE of A Pius Man, and she's Jewish, I can't make it too much more open and readable than that.



The reason my cast was so big was simple -- I wanted to make it clear that the truth was not some subjective moving target. I needed a doubter, a neutral party, two red herrings, confirmation of the mystery ... well, you'll just have to read it to perform that matching column.



But my premise was that of philosopher Peter Kreeft -- this was an ecumenical jihad, a war against one very specific force of darkness, and one that the religions in A Pius Man could get behind. Because the liars I've been fighting since the beginning all have one thing in common.  What is that thing? Read A Pius Legacy.

But then I couldn't get the Catholic Writer's Guild Seal of Approval for APM. Why? Because the book was too violent, and some poor little dear was squeamish. I know this happened because I had officers of the Guild come up to me and suggested that there needed to be changes in the was the Seal of Approval was handled. Devotion to truth? Devotion to God? Who needs it? I've got a gun-toting Catholic! Run!


Then I had one or two of those officers write positive reviews. I'll take it.



The reason I kept going was that some things needed to be said. Some things needed to be put out there and thrown at people's heads until they either take notice or are bludgeoned to death.  Because the truth is not a game, or a weapon, except against lies. Truth is what happened, and maybe we can speculate about reasons, or about the why of things, and sometimes people will leave a diary detailing what and why they did. Then we hope the poor schmuck isn't a schizophrenic or a pathological liar.



And I kept going because I had to. Because writing is all I have. This trilogy has been my life for ten years. And now it's time for me to say goodbye.

FAQ: Where do you get your ideas?

I've touched on this briefly during the series on how I created A Pius Man, but, apparently, the question many authors are besieged with is “How do you come up with your ideas?”



Short answer: formal viewpoint. Or a functional mentality.



For example, last year, I saw Forbes Magazine with cover article about how al-Qaeda was losing money, and it suggested that Osama "needed a new business model."



I can not make this stuff up.



The point is, people look at things from a “formal viewpoint.” I would look at a large pile of money and think of where a character would hide it. An accountant would probably count it all. A pyromaniac would look at it as stuff to burn.

[More below the break]



In my case... to use an example, in 1998, my family went to London and stopped off to see the Crown Jewels. Everyone else stared at the jewels. I went and looked at the security. I didn't take notes, since I didn't want to be thrown out of the Tower of London by the fastest possible route [the jewels were a few floors up]. The British Museum got the same treatment from me -- The Elgin Marbles from the Greek Parthenon had their own wing.... so, if the Greeks really wanted them back, they could steal them with a few construction helicopters and just airlift the whole wing—the Israelis did that with an Egyptian radar tower once to great effect.



Basically, it's a matter of looking at things from a certain viewpoint. I suspect that if I go see the Mona Lisa, the majority of my time will be pondering how someone could disable the security guards, the electronic surveillance, and walk away with a few paintings from the Louvre. Though the answer would probably be to steal something from the basement storage area—less security, without the individual alarms on every piece.... hmm, now that's an idea....can someone scan for Semtex at the entrypoint to the Louvre? Hrm...



The sad thing is that the above was really thought up as I wrote it.



I created one character because a teacher in high school, on the first day of class, said “I'm a wanted terrorist. I've been hunted for 19 years.... I can kill you with two fingers.” He was the creative writing teacher, so we went with it....



And I wondered... “What if he was telling the truth?”



He's in a back pocket somewhere, for when I get around to writing that novel. The annoying thing is, I have it outlined....



Some, like Harlan Ellison, have described writing as a compulsion, and that's because that's how we seem to be wired. Be it the Tower of London or the British Museum, writers wonder how we can do something with where we are, what we're doing, some little factoid we picked up, or a stray comment.



I don't think I've ever gone to someplace and not wondered how to blow it up, shoot it up, or what would be required to do something like that.



Rebekah Hendershot, author of Masks, described a similar experience when creating her book: “Why doesn't LA have any superheroes?” Answer: “Because something killed them all. And it's still here.”



With A Pius Man, Scott “Mossad” Murphy came out of the mass of Evangelicals flocking to Israel after 9-11. What does Israel do with all of these meshuge goyim? And what do you do with them if they want to join the military, or even the intelligence services? Answer: the goyim brigade—Mossad agents who not only "don't look Jewish," but aren't.  Murphy was just a throwaway character I had come up with to use “someday.” He had literally been shoved into a notebook and left there for three years. I had used him once as a supporting character in one book, and all but forgot him. Later, he came in handy.



And that's why writers have notebooks—to keep track of all the random neurons firing off with ideas. You never know when there's going to be something that comes in handy. Stephen King supposedly has a trunk filled with notebooks of ideas past.



So, if you ever think that a writer is odd, well, they are. They look at things from different points of view—if only because they have to be able to see things from the points of view of different people as they write them. Stephen King writes about things that scare him... and that seems to be everything... the author of Rebekah saw how much LA had been shortchanged of superheroes and decided to explain why. I think up various and sundry ways to kill someone with a ballpoint pen (I'm on nine).



That's how we find ideas. We're wired to.



But then again, who'd go into this profession if we weren't?

Giffords returns to congress. Insanity still wins out.

Back in January, I had written an article on the Arizona shooting, where lunatic Jared Loughner shot at Gabrielle Giffords. I never published it, since I really didn't want to get into politics at the time.

However, after the articles of yesterday, it's a little late for that.  Not to mention, Gabrielle Giffords returned to her congressional seat last night

So, below the break, you will essentially see a snapshot of January 12, 2011 (thank God for blog date/time stamping).  Remember that far back? How there was requests for "civility" in all things?

How did that work out?

Now, if anyone would like to send in a request, or suggestions for topics that are not politically-based, please feel free to send them in.  I'd really rather not have another week like this for at least three more months.

The January 12th article begins ......

Now.
[Below the break]

Pfc Abdo, the Conscientious objector. The Revenge

I will issue a warning right now.  This post may have some ... intemperate language.

You may not remember my July 19th post about the inability of Muslims to be good Americans.... at least if you followed the logic and reasoning in the case of Pfc Nasser Abdo, a 21-year-old Muslim who discovered a religious objection to killing fellow coreligionists .... coincidentally, he discovered this religious objection in the lead-up to doing his own time in the field.


However, looking back, I wonder if anyone in the military bureaucracy talks to each other.

Why?

Because when Abdo was granted his status as a conscientious objector, he had already been AWOL (absent without leave) for over two weeks.  The charge? Possession of child porn.

It seems that when I referenced the Fort Hood shooter in my post about Abdo, I was more accurate than I knew.

Because Abdo was just arrested in Texas, in possession of firearms and 
bomb-making materials.  This comes from the Huffington Post, NBC DFW, and Fox News, so I think I'm being perfectly neutral here ...

The Associated Press reports that .... Abdo has admitted he was planning an attack on ....

Wait for it.....
[below the break]

Why I hate politics (Cont): Oslo terrorist a "Christian." Not.

Last week, I took a look at the Norway terrorist, and I labeled the article "Nazis, I hate these guys," because everything I had read about this guy meant that he was so far to the right, he was starting to orbit the planet.  And I was waiting for someone credible to label everyone on one side of politics (Republicans) for it.

The New York Times did not fail to disappoint.

This scumbag's name is Anders Behring Breivik.  The New York Times claimed that the Norwegian who staged two deadly attacks in Oslo was a "gun-loving," "right-wing," "fundamentalist Christian," opposed to "multiculturalism."

Well, that didn't take long.

Last week, there were fewer posts. There were no music blogs, and I failed to post on Thursday. Why?  Because I was trying to go through Breivik's gaseous 1,500-page manifesto, "2083: A European Declaration of Independence."

Dear God, this man is a windbag.  And he's about as "Christian" as Richard Dawkins.  Matt is more a Christian that this guy is.  At least in the traditional, American sense. [Read Below the break for more]

Week-In-Review 7-29-11

Oh Hell, this has been a crappy week. You'll notice in the paucity of articles that have been posted.  However, I've been doing some research, and I've got a good start on articles for the week to come.

Okay ... to start with, I did two Examiner.com articles this week.

One was on the trials of Dominique Simone-Khan, the Frenchman from the IMF, and Rape. It is a subject I am very touchy about.

Levi Aron, Leiby Kletzky, and "stranger danger".  It's a local event. If you don't know about it, you'll soon know ... well, enough.

Anyway ...

My first blog of the week was another list, the Writers blogs of A Pius Man ... thus far.

I did a little article on the terrorist attacks in Oslo, Norway.  An article that already has a follow-up.

And, the Worlds of Jim Butcher.... in which I explain some of the genius that is the creator of Harry Dresden.

And, in other news, Masks has a new chapter up.

Enjoy

Oslo ... Nazis, I hate these guys.

I'm sure that many of you thought the same thing that I did when I heard that someone bombed Oslo, and shot up a retreat in a little island off the coast of Norway.

Who would want to blow up Norway?

Okay, so maybe we all didn't have the same reaction.  My first thought was to write a column for Examiner.com.

Also, it was to analyse the whole situation. Seriously, who would want to blow up Norway? It had all the hallways of an Al-Qaeda operation: coordinated strikes, but still missing the target.

But, still, why Norway?  If AQ, then it would be because .... well, it was there ... or because Norway supported a Danish cartoonist several years ago during European-wide rioting.  But even those felt sort of weak.

All in all, it was just weird.

So, of course, the perp turns out to be ... a blonde-haired, blue-eyed fascist.

Do you remember when I mentioned the Europe has problems?  I said that Europe seems to have two settings, cower in a corner, or go fascist. Their idea of a Left and a Right are not America's.  Their Left is Socialist. Their Right is Fascist.  They don't really have a middle.  Well, not much of one.

Consider politics as non-linear.  Politics is not a straight line.  In France, they have their parliament set up in a horseshoe-like arrangement, for each of their two hundred political parties. Because it is a curved horseshoe, the extreme right and the extreme left are very, very close to each other.  The end result of the fascist and the socialist systems of the 1930s and the 1940s are the same -- they killed more of their own people than they ever did of the enemy.

Unfortunately, I'm waiting, just waiting, for some utter and complete idiot to say that this fascist schmuck is the symbol of everything wrong with the right, therefore it must be destroyed. All of them.  Which is in itself its own kind of fascism.

I should probably rewrite that -- since there are people on the internet who are already doing just that. However, they don't count, because the Internet seems to be a gathering place for the loudest and the most ignorant. And the person who screams the loudest is the one who gets all of the attention.

So, a rewrite: I'm waiting, just waiting, for some utter and complete important idiot to say that the right must be destroyed.

However, right now, I'm going to make a bet. Someone is going to read the above, and they will dub me a right-wing extremist of some sort or another. No matter how many times I've noted my hatred for politics, politicians, and that my own politics depends on where the jury is sitting.

But, being a cynical SOB, right now, I want to see how the investigation goes. Because, as I noted above, this had all the earmarks of an AQ attack ... and there was talk some time ago about AQ having links to the Oklahoma City bombing.

I could just be paranoid, but I'll be interested to see where the trail ends. 

Muslims Can't Be Good Americans ..... Huh?

A long while ago, I discussed one Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan, the Fort Hood shooter. He was, at the very least, one of the candidates most likely to be kicked out of the US Army, having given a June 2007 PowerPoint presentation that discussed “adverse events” that would occur if the Army did not accept the precepts of Islamic Shariah law and grant Muslims serving in the Army conscientious objector status.

I'm sure Maj. Hasan would be quite, quite happy to learn that the US Army has now taken his advise.

Enter Pfc. Naser Abdo, 21, a member of the 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division at Fort Campbell, Ky. He refused to deploy to Afghanistan, claiming that Sharia law prevented him from killing other Muslims.....

Ahem ....

Let's start with the fact that Sharia is the sort of thing used in Sudan to justify hacking off limbs for theft, stoning for adultery, and crucifying members of other religions.  This is the sort of thing that makes you arch an eyebrow and wonder "What the....?"  

All in all, this is a generally Bad Idea.

Not to mention that it is pure and utter garbage.[More below the break]

Week-In-Review 7-14-11

Another week is shot to Hell. Welcome to the Week-in-Review.

Monday 

We started off the week with Holy Terror .... Batman?  It was a writing blog where I examine the possibilities behind the defunct Frank Miller project of Batman vs. al-Qaeda.

The music blog was not up that day.  However, I did post three self-defense columns over at Examiner.com

Meeting people from online in real life, part one A two-part series on how to make certain you don't go from okcupid.com to meeting an axe-murderer. 

Self defense in New York. Again. Or: Killing people isn't fun. Defending yourself?  Be careful with the aftermath.

Tuesday 

There was a review of mystery and thriller authors, everything from James Rollins to Matthew Reilly.  And more.

And the music blog: I decided that if people wouldn't like Tom Smith's "Talk like a Pirate Day" they would enjoy Dragonforce.  And vice versa

Wednesday

Some more Tom Smith, and some more Dragonforce lead the blog. 

And I found a Maureen Dowd post I didn't utterly despise.

Thursday

The music blog: whether or not you hate the Blue screen of death, or you prefer the Fury of the Storm, I had some of each.

And my friend Jason had posted a little something on Egypt. I blogged a bit about it.

By the way, before you leave, check out some of our sponsers' ads ... please. We can use the money. :)

Holy Terror ... Batman? A writing Blog.

Frank Miller is a name you might be familiar with.  He wrote the comic books that would spawn the movies 300, Sin City, several Batman titles, including the annoyingly omnipresent Batman: Year One, and he had a very popular run on Daredevil, and even created the character of Elektra, the assassin with father issues.  Miller was also the director on The Spirit-- and has a small lynch mob after him for that, I'm sure.

So, Miller gets around.

Several years and a few lifetimes ago, Frank Miller said he wanted to write a graphic novel called "Holy Terror, Batman!" a play on a line from the 1960s Batman TV show with Adam West.

Miller has debuted his Holy Terror and ...

It doesn't have Batman.

Miller decided to work with a new hero, it wouldn't be a DC comics project, etc, etc.

On the one hand, I can understand that Frank Miller has had issues lately with DC.  His All Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder was, as I understand it, universally panned by reviewers, except for those who seem to want Frank Miller's baby. They weren't pretty, either way.

Miller's version: it was more Dirty Harry than Batman. It just didn't work with Batman.....

Really?

I guess Miller has a bit of a point. After all, why would al-Qaeda want to blow up Gotham city? Aside from the fact that it's a major metropolitan area, high-population density, the potential for massive body counts if they did it right .....

Oh wait, that would make Gotham a perfect target.

My friend Jason said that it wouldn't work because the larger DC universe would make it impossible for al-Qaeda to exist. After all, there's "The Society," Lex Luthor, Ra's al-Ghul, and a whole bunch of others who operate on an international scale.  It's like the problem someone had with Straczynski's Amazing Spider Man 9-11 issue, where he wrote that even the villains like Doctor Doom were offended by 9-11 .... to which someone replied online that "If Doctor Doom were offended by al-Qaeda, they'd be dead within 48 hours. All of them."

However, I must disagree with Jason in one respect -- this is Frank Miller, the continuity of the DC universe means about as much to him as it would to Franz Kafka.  He plays fast and loose with the universes as he pleases. The only hard and fast rule he would have to adhere to would be the layout and rules of engagement of Gotham city....

At which point, that becomes one of my short stories.... It would take too long to explain here, but for the Gotham universe, an al-Qaeda attack would probably go as follows.

Within the week, they would be out of money .... Catwoman would have robbed them. Repeatedly.

The first time they blew up a building with any amount of plants ... Poison Ivy would hunt them down and feed them to her vegetable garden.

The Joker would probably meet up with al-Qaeda .... for about five minutes. And then he would gas them because he didn't like their sense of humor, since, from what I can tell, they don't seem to have one.

And then, after the Joker starts killing them en mass, the organized crime outfits of Gotham would machine-gun the rest on the principle that al-Qaeda was muscling in on their territory.

Then, if al-Qaeda was really lucky, Batman would arrest whoever was still alive.

So, I guess I could see Frank Miller's problem. Gotham city would eat the terrorists....

And now that I've suggested it, I'm fairly certain that someone is already starting to write the fan fiction (If that's true, then I ask you to please link to the blog. Other than that, have fun.)

Right now, I'm just hoping that Miller's writing ability hasn't completely failed him. Because if he puts out another piece of quality work like The Spirit, I think the lynch mob after him might get larger.

Evil Religions: Atheism

[As I said in the preface, not everything here is as is appears to be. Read the damn blog first, thanks.]



Let's talk about atheists for a moment.



Some really militant atheists like to talk about how evil religion is.... They are generally referred to as anti-theists: not only is there a God, but anyone who believes in God is someone to be wary of / someone who is a danger to the human race. Religion for them is the source of all evil, makes people believe in fairy tales, goes after homosexuals, etc. We've covered a lot of these in prior articles.



How would things look in an atheist society? Better? Worse?



Let me start by being totally, utterly, and completely unfair. Let's look at how large bodies of atheists treat some of the same topics. We have four, count 'em, four large nations that have completely and totally eschewed religion.



France, 1792: Bloodbath. Guillotine. Target: a lot of people killed happened to be the priests who sided with "the People" ... the people who used bread to soak up the blood of those people beheaded. Not that that's a demonic perversion of the eucharist or anything



The Soviet Union and The People's Republic of China: according to the French work The Black Book of Communism, these two, with some help from the other, minor communist governments, killed about a hundred million people in the 20th century.



Nazi Germany -- Some people like to slander Christianity with Nazism's formation. Looking at private statements from Mussolini, Goebbels, Himmler, the general concensus seems to be that it was a secular movement with a lot of religious rhetoric .... well, there was also the entire part where Hitler tried to reinstate Thor and Odin as deities, and I don't mean the Marvel movie version.



Oh, look at how well ¾ of those people treated gays. The Nazis gassed them, the Chinese make certain they don't exist, and the nuclear family was mandated by the Soviet Union, after a very brief experiment with free love. The French were too busy declaring war on everybody, and killing priests. That covered a nice chunk of time (about a century or more), and over 1.5 billion people on the planet.



Now, I have been hit with an argument stolen from Sam Harris, who is essentially a stone cold moron.

Harris: Atheists don't kill people because they have no good reason to do so.

Reply:Stalin and Mao were atheists and they killed millions of people

Harris: Then Stalin and Mao were No True Atheists.

Uh huh .... If I make an assertion that No True Christians hurts anyone, ever (Since violence is not something proposed by Christ), then I can disprove every dumbass statement ever made about Christianity and get on with my life.....



I don't think so.



And, hey, I'm surprised Sam Harris wants to disavow Stalin and Mao so quickly. Even he out and out states his desire for a world government. "The diversity of our religious beliefs constitutes a primary obstacle here" (End of Faith, 151).  Funny, Kim Jong-il used similar words justifying North Korean concentration camps, which have -- surprise surprise -- mostly Christians.



Now, let's drop the cheap shots, shall we?



The atheists I know aren't Nazis, nor are they Left wing sociopaths with delusions of genocide. You have the militant atheists like Dawkins who think my parents should be thrown in jail for teaching me Catholicism -- that's child abuse, don't you know?



It's little things like that which make me half-expect some half-crazed Oxford Don, wearing tweeds, to leap from a bookcase with a sword, shouting Dawkins-hu Akbar!!!!!



The atheists I know are guys like Matt, who I have trouble believing are true Dawkins believers, since, well, he's still talking to me ... though that may change by the time I'm done with this :). And on the other hand, I have acquaintances like former best friend Colleen Eren. She's an atheist, but she's more like a glorified agnostic. She can't prove God exists, neither can you, can't we all get along.



So, there are anti-theist atheists, and there are agnostics who lean atheist, who are generally Libertarian.



I'm good with that. I have my beliefs, you have yours, and if I'm not working on the downfall of civilization, or killing people, leave me the hell alone. As for you, throw wild orgies if I care. Bye.



I have two thoughts on the matter.



1. R. Hendershot, of Masks, is a far better person than I am. She's a protestant, though she has yet to find a church in California that allows thought. Being a New Yorker, I am obligated to suggest that she leave California. She's also far more fair than I am. Why? Because she insisted I point out the following:



Recorded history is about 3-5000 years, depending on who you talk to. A hundred years is an eyeblink. At best, it's maybe 3% of time. As with global warming, it's not a big enough control group, over too small a period of time. No one can prove things will be better without religion. Not unless some governments stay 100% unchanged for the next thousand years. We'll see.



2. Atheists say that Religion makes people believe in fairy tales, fables, etc.



Imagine you are an atheist. Imagine you have your perfect, pure, religion-free world. Imagine you can now walk into the American organization of the Baker Street Irregulars, and then imagine shouting “Sherlock Holmes is a work of fiction, you ignorant dolts!”



Imagine running for your life from a large body of enraged Sherlock Holmes nerds.



As Chesterton said, just because you stop believing in God doesn't mean you stop believing. It just means you'll believe in anything.

Evil Religions 1: Allahu Akbar.

An evil religion blog post.



When I first proposed the "Evil Religions" series of blogs, I figured I would make it ironic. You may all remember the "first" Evil Religion post back on April 1st. This is the real one.



Before you get your panties in a twist, I warned readers of this blog quite some time ago that there would be a series of “Evil Religion” blog posts, and that it wouldn't be what you think it is. Guess what, it's still not going to be what you think it is. Read the rest of this preface here.



Now, let's start with our first “Evil Religion.”  The following can be footnoted in the works of Bernard Lewis, David Dalin, Ralph McInerny, or Roy Schoeman’s “Salvation is from the Jews”



The Middle East has a problem, and it's not Islam. It's their culture... which is also not Islam.



Yes, sorry, hate to break it to all of you, the culture of the Middle East was not substantially altered by The Prophet. Mainly because there were no real fundamental building blocks for the culture to be altered …



The trouble with the Middle East, in part, can be traced to the Nazis.



No, I am not being allegorical, but literal.



If you're a newcomer to this blog, you may not have heard of the term “Hitler’s Pope”: that Eugenio Pacelli, aka Pope Pius XII, worked with, for, or around Hitler in support of the final solution of the Holocaust.



What I'm almost certain you never hear about is what has been labeled Hitler’s Mufti.



To be more precise, he is properly called the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, Hajj Amin al-Husseini. Now, a bit of background: in the 1920s, as a prize of World War I, Palestine was a mandate of Britain—they ran it and everything in it. Al-Husseini was installed by the English; he had, in fact, been put into power by a Jewish Minister of the Palestinian Mandate, Robert Samuel. Samuel even rigged the votes a little, in part on behalf of an anti-Semitic “advisor” Ernest Richmond (who may or may not have been al-Husseini's boyfriend; there were rumors, and Richmond was British, after all....).



Through the 1920s, al-Husseini incited two “intifadas” that killed mostly Jews (which I can only assume means that intifada now translates as “pogrom”), and Robert Samuel caved in each time, eventually cutting off any and all Jewish immigration into Palestine.



And you thought British appeasement started with Neville Chamberlain, didn't you?



Hajj al-Husseini was, in essence, local aristocracy. His brother had been the previous Grand Mufti, and his family had been in government positions for the previous seventy years. Unfortunately, his mind had been a little warped by a propaganda piece out of Tsarist Russia called the “Protocols of the Elders of Zion.”



For those of you who don't know about the Protocols, it is an anti-Semitic conspiracy theory that makes anything Dan Brown has written look like a well-researched historical treatise. According to the Protocols, the entire world is run by three hundred Jews out of Europe. Al-Husseini got it into his head that the British forces in Palestine were, in fact, there on the behest of their Jewish overlords, therefore, the British were mere puppets of the vast Zionist conspiracy ...



At this point, it feels like the moment I should grab the Thorazine and cue The Illuminati Polka.



Even after al-Husseini became grand Mufti, he called for an anti-Jewish jihad in Palestine during the 1930s, saying “Murder the Jews! Murder them all!”  This was how he started riots in 1929 and 1936-1939. He would later move his rhetorical style to Berlin radio, stating in one “Kill the Jews—Kill them with your hands, kill them with your teeth! This is well pleasing to Allah!” Al-Husseini’s connection with Hitler begins in 1933, when he sent emissaries to Berlin, first lending support, then suggesting collaboration. When the German anti-Jewish laws went into effect in 1934, the Islamic world sent them congratulations. Husseini would become friends with Adolf Eichmann (the banal evil that logistically engineered the Holocaust), and pushed for the extermination of Jews as soon as possible.



In 1937, al-Husseini met with Hitler, and they apparently got along quite well. Afterwards, Al-Husseini tried for a Nazi tour of the middle east; he briefly led an overthrow of the government in Iraq, only to be run out by the British. He hid in the Japanese embassy in Iran for a little bit, until the British and the Soviets invaded. He ran through Turkey and made it to Mussolini's Italy. He finally ended up in Germany.



SS chief Heinrich Himmler took Husseini on tours of the death camps, and the mufti pushed for greater diligence in running the gas chambers. Eichmann’s deputy Dieter Wisliceny mentioned that the mufti “played a role in the decision to exterminate the European Jews.” At the Nuremburg trials, he stated that “the mufti was one of the initiators of the systematic extermination of European Jewry and had been a collaborator and adviser of Eichmann and Himmler… one of Eichmann’s best friends” And don't think Dieter got anything out of saying all of this—he was executed after the trial.



Al-Husseini also had a Muslim clerical school in Dresden, where Muslims could be trained in Nazism, and introduce it to the Middle East. In exchange for this service, Husseini went into Bosnia to recruit Muslims for the SS, Hanjar (or Handschar) units, who wore specially marked fezzes with the swastika on them. You can also see photos of Husseini in Bosnia inspecting the SS troops (see: Shoeman, 258. If you want to see more research on Muslim/Arab Nazis, hit the Yad vashem archives , or the Simon Wiesenthal Center). The Muslim SS Hanjar (“sword”) unit massacred about 90% of Bosnia’s Jews.



Husseini made it to France after the war, after the Swiss kicked him out. The pro-Nazi French government (which was still in charge for a while) refused to extradite him, and by the time the Allies could lay their hands on him, it was inconvenient to prosecute him (Tito didn't want the “Handschar units” as an issue in his ethnically-divided Yugoslavia; the new English government didn't want to antagonize the Arabs in their Middle East mandates, and the Soviets had their eye on the middle east as future clients). He managed to stay free and clear until 1974, when death caught him.



So why does Mufti al-Husseini matter today? Well, let’s start with the fact that the grand mufti imported Nazi experts to train young Palestinians in guerrilla tactics—the start of a group we know as the Palestinian Liberation Organization.



During the Six Day War in 1967, Israelis found Egyptian prisoners carrying issues of Hitler’s Mein Kampf. Ironically, it had been translated into Arabic by a man known as el-Hadj…aka former Nazi propagandist Lius Heiden. Mein Kampf would be republished by Yassir Arafat’s Palestinian Authority in 2001 and was an instant bestseller throughout the Middle East—in 1999, it was sixth on the bestseller list in Palestine (and this is before the reprint). By the way, did I mention that “Schindler’s List” is banned?



The legacy of al-Husseini lives on into the 21st century. To start with, it was in the form of his nephew—Abd al-Rahman abd al-Bauf Arafat al-Qud al-Husseini. If you blink you miss the key word—Arafat. Yes, that Arafat. Second Lieutenant Wilhelm Boerner, a guard at Mauthausen concentration camp, and Erich Altern (Gestapo, head of their “Jewish Affairs” section), trained members of the Palestine Liberation Front. Former Nazi Johann Schuller, supplied arms to Fatah. Jean Tireault, neo-Nazi, also paid by Fatah. In the 1970s, neo-Nazi Otto Albrecht was hired by the PLO to act as a middle man for weapons.



Then there’s the Grand Mufti’s grandson, Skeikh Ekrima Sabri, the current Mufti of the Temple Mount in Jerusalem. He said recently “The figure of 6 million Jews killed during the Holocaust is exaggerated…It was a lot less. It’s not my fault if Hitler hated the Jews. Anyway, they hate them just about everywhere.” Nice guy.



And let’s not forget that the Socialist nationalist party of Syria had a “Furher” and their banner donned the swastika as well. It's also known as the “Ba'athist party.” The one that's currently running Syria, and used to be Saddam Hussein's party.



Remember that pro-Nazi coup that got Husseini tossed out of Iraq? One rally member was a man named Khayrallah Tulfah. After the war, he lived with his nephew, and in the main room of his house he had an idolized portrait of Hitler on the wall. He raised the nephew personally, and had al-Husseini over to his home repeatedly until Husseini died. This nephew would grow up to be one mean fellow—one of his mistresses noted that he would look himself in the mirror and state “I am Saddam Hussein. Heil Hilter!”



The Grand Mufti, this (literal) Islamofascist, helped form the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt. And let us not forget Egyptian leader Gamal Nasser, who helped the Nazis in Egypt during the war, and who later led the Six Day War against Israel. He even adopted the slogan “One folk, One party, One leader.” His successor, Anwar Sadat, also had ties to the Reich—he spied for Germany during the war. Johannes von Leers, Goebbel’s executive officer, was put in charge of Egypt’s Ministry of Information in 1955. Gestapo man Hans Becher went on to become a police instructor in Egypt.



Let's look at the bad stuff that have come out of the middle east in the last hundred years, shall we? The psycho dictators have decided to enforce laws written down when Islam was still an emerging power, using the literal xenophobic rules of the day to enforce their own will. In fact, most of the stuff they're using isn't really the Koran, but bastardized versions of it, at best. They tend to work with scholars who have very.....old views about how Islam works, or should work.



Many of these were laws that were not in place during the Ottoman empire. It falls, and within a few decades, tada, archaic rules that no one noticed suddenly become applicable, and some which were completely made up two hundred years ago, or two decades ago – basically, whatever they “found” that could be useful. There is no Islamic Vatican. They devolved into a bunch of different opposing viewpoints that tended to disassociate Islam from itself more than anything.



Such transparent bull …



And let's target Israel, because, yes, a nation the size of Vermont is a threat to an Islamic geographical area equal to or greater than the entire United States of America … Israel just reminds Arabs that they're no longer on top of the world, and that there's no changing it.



One of the problems these psychos have taken advantage of is : you can't translate the Koran in the Middle East. Seriously, it's illegal. Which becomes a problem because most people can't read the Koran. I'm serious. Imagine how hard it is to read Shakespeare. It takes entire college courses, because it's poetry, and requires historical context. Now take the Bible, which also requires whole college classes (my bible course took a whole semester, and we only got through the Old Testament), because it's partly written in poetry, and also requires historical context. You get the worst of both possible worlds in the King James Bible.



Now, imagine that the King James Bible was written in Olde English—and I mean Beowulf English, not Chaucer.



And now you have the Koran, a document that's heavy on poetry, that is illegal to translate, study, dissect, or give any historical context to, written in a language no one has used in fifteen centuries.



And it has been translated. I've read it … it's still bloody unreadable.



Congratulations, your local leaders can now make it say whatever they like. Say what you like about the Bible, but it has been poked, prodded, dissected, vivisected, and footnoted to within an inch of its life, and it gets a new translation every few years.



And in Europe, you have a whole bunch of immigrant youth, being brought up in Mosques so insane that they're run by rejects from the Middle East, because they were so nuts even the Wahhabi's wouldn't take them. They're all in an environment that is either so antithetical that they're hostile (Chirac's France) or so accommodating that they're letting the nutjobs take over (Holland).



Oh, and you didn't have suicide bombers in the 1920s. Or the 1940s—and the technology was there, the Japanese Imperial Army had suicide bombers near the end of the war in the pacific. Suicide bombers were not invented in the Middle East ... they were invented by the Ayatollah Khomeini, in the 1980s, when he was fighting a war against Iraq, and losing, badly. Suicide bombers were his way of balancing the scales. And as one book notes, Khomeini was inspired by … post-modern, French deconstructionists.



At the end of the day, does being Muslim make you evil? Hell no. Otherwise we would already have the Caliphates of Dearborn Michigan, Atlantic Avenue, Brooklyn, and possibly Detroit. The problem with the modern Middle East actually start in the “Post-Christian” Europe, with Fascism, and Tsarist Russia creating the Protocols … if you never thought anything good ever came out of Tsarist Russia, well, you were right.  However, all of this grew up in a soil rich for planting – the middle east has a culture that hasn't changed in over two thousand years.



And it has nothing to do with the religion. It has everything to do with a warped cultural and political sense that occasionally intersects with bad religion and bad people. And the culture that is so very very static …



Still don't believe me?



There is An example that recently came to my attention: an old text that discusses the locals making their women cover their faces.



Was this written in the Wahabist 19th century? No.



In the High Imperial, Ottoman time period, in, say, the 1500s? No.



Was it even back in Mohammed’s time? No.



It was the Bible.



One of Joseph's brothers sleeps with a “Canaanite woman” who had her face covered, in the custom of “her people.” It was a scam, but it made me think. Canaan was a long, long time ago… does anything ever change there?



Because in the beginning, there was the Persian Empire. You know them, you saw 300—and the Persian Empire was actually worse than the film portrayed. No, they weren't Lord of the Ring-like mutant orcs, that was dramatic license when the story is told in bardic format. But the Persian Empire had no concept of freedom or liberty. No concept. No frame of reference. Not even the basic idea. How do I know? Simple.



There was no word for “freedom.”



Eight hundred years later, after Darius III, Alexander the Great, the Babylonians, the Romans, the Byzantines … all of whom weren't big on freedom, unless you were a citizen of said empire (and that only came in with the Romans). And up comes the rise of Islam, The Prophet, blah blah blah … When exactly was the word “freedom” supposed to come into play?



Add Western fascist ideology. Stir well.



I believe I will leave the last word to my friend, Jason Bieber (this is paraphrased, so bear with me).  "Islam changed the culture at the top. It didn't change the culture at the bottom."



And, when you consider that large parts of the culture hasn't changed much since Xerxes, that says something.

********************

Comments are welcome.  Disagreements are encouraged, but only if you are coherant, and can at least offer evidence for your arguments (references wouldn't hurt).  Also, this is a PG blog.  Any R-rated language will result in your comments being deleted, no matter how good your points are.  I dislike pointing that out, but prior events have made it a necessity.

FCBD Story: One Way To Stay out of Jail.

If you are new to the blog page in support of my novel A Pius Man, welcome.  If you've been here before, welcome back.

Today's free comic book day story has been brought to you ... with a lot of last-minute photoshopping.

This is basically how Sean A.P. Ryan, self-described mercenary and lunatic, manages to collect enough partners to

This story is called, simply  "One Way to Stay Out of Jail."  The star of this story is one Sean Ryan, who appears in A Pius Man and has already had a few short stories all his own: The Pirate King, the surprisingly popular Boys of the Old Brigade, and God Hates .... Superman?.  He's one of my more colorful characters.  Unlike Scott "Mossad" Murphy, who likes to go unnoticed, Sean has a tendency to leave behind evidence of his presence.  One can usually follow him if one just runs towards the screaming.... Oh, wait, wrong blog.

And, for the record, the complete list of stories is here.

Also, hang around for some of our trailers, below the story.

And here we go...

One Way to Stay Out of Jail



A trailer for the book proper.






Thanks to the Gepetto Project for this one:




My character, Scott Murphy .... he's around the site. You'll enjoy him. [Thanks again to http://www.matthewfunti.me/ for the voice work.]

Osama Got Me Published ... Sort of

My agent suggested that I start building up name recognition by submitting Letters to the Editor of various and sundry Newspapers.  We have a paper around New York called Newsday.  Apparently, they saw fit to publish my letter today.

I would have posted a link, but Newsday wants to charge me money so I can read my own article online.  I have the original, I can settle for that.



It's not much, but it's a start.

To the editor.





While many have celebrated the death of Osama bin Laden, I am somewhat saddened, and disappointed. In my research into intelligence work, killing terrorists of bin Laden's level is a waste of material. Interrogating him would have led to a deep well of valuable intelligence, which may not be easily discovered by a forensic investigation of the material around him. Whether bin Laden was water boarded, or even if he was sat down for milk and cookies, he was valuable alive. One almost hopes that the conspiracy theories are correct, and bin Laden's death was faked by the US government -- a public capture would encourage his colleagues to change plans, and a death would reassure them that everything bin Laden knew died with him. But this is not a Vince Flynn novel, or even my novel, A Pius Man (under review). One only hopes that all of his secrets did not die with him, but were written down and lying about in plain sight, so our Navy SEALs could collect all of them.





-John L. Konecsni

It's not much, but it's a start.

Osama Is Dead: Requiem for a Terrorist

Osama bin Laden is dead.



Last week, a man who has been a plague on mankind was put out of our misery by some US Navy Seals via a gunshot to the head; if I hear correctly, Osama had been using a woman as a human shield at the time.  It was a fitting end -- Osama wanted a culture that would require women to wear nothing but burka and veil, an outfit that would make a Catholic nun look like she was wearing a slinky dress in comparison, and he died hiding behind a woman.



At the very end, the man went out showing his true colors.  He could send the poor, the desparate, the starving, and the mildly insane to their deaths, but he couldn't try for a standup fight with soldiers.  Considering he came in at the last minute of the Soviet war with Afghanistan, and made himself into the John Kerry of the Talbian ("I fought in Afghanistan against the first Great Satan!"  When he fired a few rounds at the Soviet's retreating backs).  In the end, he went out like a cowardly movie villain, and the noble hero gets to make an impressive killshot.



Osama bin Laden is dead .... Now what?





To start with?  There are going to be numerous thriller authors in mourning, seeking a new bad guy. The fiction post-Saddam Hussein went into a tailspin, trying to come up with someone else to beat up on.





After that, there's a little issue of where he was found: in a mansion, in a city just outside of Islamabad.  A town filled with miltary personnel.  Conflicting reports state that the Pakistanis were in on the kill, others state that they were informed after the fact.  In either event, the man was living there for at least six months. Someone is going to want to explain that.  I suspect there will be several some bodies on the ground, with their heads in a separate corner of the room.



I am a little sad that Osama is dead.  Why?  Because I think there will be people who will use Osama's death to say "Great, the war on Terror is over, let's go home and pretend this never happened."  Which would be nice if Osama didn't have, you know, an entire terrorist network.  And if Osama has really been a figurehead for years, as some have suggested, then the work isn't over.  It's a good start though.



Also, I'm even more worried about the intelligence issue.  If I were in charge of intelligence on this, the press release about Osama's death would be ... premature.  I would have sent in SEALS with orders to capture bin Laden alive, then ship him off to one of the fabled "Black Sites," where he could be interrogated for as long as possible.  There are that state that the interrogated would lie through their teeth; to start with, perhaps, but that's why (again, if I were running things) I would say Osama was dead, so that everyone he knows personally would feel safe and secure knowing that Osama couldn't talk to anyone. Facts could be corroborated, and then repeat the process until the truth comes out.  If this were the case, I would have released photos of Osama "dead," covered with Hollywood makeup.  And frozen in place with a hint of curare.

But that would be me.  I don't mean to spread conspiracy theories.  I'm probably ahead of the curve on the tinfoil hat brigade.  And if they aren't there yet, they have a conspiracy, gratis.  That he's dead means that we would have to rely on whatever paperwork was lying around in his immediate vicinity.  I'm not encouraged, but I may just be a pessimist.

Now, there have been philosophers who have argued there must be a Hell, if only because there are some crimes so insidious that it cries out for justice.  If there weren't an afterlife, the sheer horror of these crimes would create one, just for those particular bastards.

I believe that Osama is in for a surprise.  Not even for a Christian deity.  But for something else. 

Looking at the Koran a moment, there is Sura 81, “When the girl, buried alive, is asked what what crime she is slain … ” and it goes on for a very long while. Sura 81 is “the Cessations,” and deals with the punishment of the wicked on Judgment day … and it has nothing to do with Skynet.

I've read that particular verse (Sura 81: 8-9) interpreted by a mullah as being a matter of "God will punish the murderer of children, for children have committed no crime." In Sura 5, “the Table”, that those who fight against God or "His Apostle," thereby bringing disorder to the world should be exiled, or be crucified. Considering how many Islamofacist terrorists have butchered plenty of children, and their fellow coreligionists, if they were to be looking at the whole thing literally, Osama would have been nailed to a set of 2x4s by his own people.  And does inviting the United States military to come down on parts of the Middle East like the hand of God count as spreading disorder?

But, at the end of the day, Osama was just a guy conveniently clipping lines from the Koran for his own convenience.  He didn't like Western Culture.  And the way he went about it, if anyone were honest, would have gotten him killed under the culture he claimed to fight for.

If atheists are right, Osama is nothingness now.  If believers are right, he is either in a purgatory for the insane, or in Hell.  Unless he discovered a sudden desire for forgiveness before the end.  It's possible.

Though I doubt it.

Osama. Death. Events. Superman... a Strange week.

Yup, the title's a little odd, but then again, so have been my last few days.



So....



First things first:  Osama bin Laden is sort of dead ... So, to the soldiers of the US military: Thank you for blowing him straight to Hell.  Expect "Osama tapes" to keep being broadcast on al-Jazeera for a few more weeks, at least.  I suspect that, like Stephen J. Cannell, Isaac Asimov, and Robert Parker, bin Laden still has a postmortem career ahead of him.



However, I talked about Osama yesterday. Let's move on.



The rest of post will be short.  There's a death in the family.  Please, no condolences; I have a strange reaction to death: there's either Heaven, Hell, or Nothing.  If Heaven is the option, the dead have it better than we do.  If there's Nothing, then, well, the cancer is over.  If the other option ... well, then, there's nothing to be done about it, is there?



Moving on ....



I had partially considered starting my "Evil Religions" series, which I had mentioned before Lent first started.  However, after the whole Snarky Theology series, I think I'm going to take a break from posting non-fiction.  You'd be surprised at how work intensive it can get.... also, my first "Evil Religion" post is ten pages long, and that's after constant editing and revision.



I had considered the latest Disaster to Marvel At ... and it's not a Marvel disaster.  For once.  No, it seems that Quesada disease has infected DC.  In an attempt to be relevant, they are having Superman renounce his American citizenship to join the United Nations.  Because "truth, justice, and the American way just isn't enough anymore" ...



Funny, "the American way" didn't work very well for Osama, when it landed on him in the form of a SEAL team.



I have plenty to say on the Super-idiocy, much of it utilizing words that are inappropriate for a PG-rated blog.  However, the lovely and talented Rebekah Hendershot will be commenting on it.



And I wanted to discuss that Pope John Paul II is on his way to becoming a Saint, and that his day will be ... May Day.  Funny, that a guy who fought the Soviet Union until it's dying day now gets to take over their feast day.  How's that for a souvenir of war? But, non-fiction is rather work intensive. Maybe next year.



So, that leaves me free to mention a few upcoming items.



1) This upcoming Saturday is Free Comic Book Day.  I will be posting an online short story called "One Way to Stay Out of Jail."  The star of this story is one Sean Ryan, who appears in A Pius Man and has already had a few short stories all his own: The Pirate King, the surprisingly popular Boys of the Old Brigade, and God Hates .... Superman?.  He's one of my more colorful characters.  Unlike Scott "Mossad" Murphy, who likes to go unnoticed, Sean has a tendency to leave behind evidence of his presence.  One can usually follow him if one just runs towards the screaming.... Oh, wait, wrong blog.



And, for the record, the complete list of stories is here.



2)  Now, a while ago, I had mentioned that I try to keep busy.  I do this mainly by writing other novels.  And since I've written a whole trilogy around A Pius Man, there's only so much I can do since the first book may or may not survive its first form.  I have considered copying from my friend Rebekah, and publishing one of these books online, for free, in serialized format.



Right now, it's starting to look like vampires might be a good idea.  How many people would like to see a novel of vampires where: A) It all makes sense? B) Vampires all follow the rules laid down in Dracula? And C) THEY DON'T SPARKLE?



I'm going to talk with my agent about it, obviously, but I would like to know: if I write this, will you, kind reader, want to come and play?  I can promise you that I will make fun of certain cliches running rampant right now. I can promise that I will include philosophy, history, theology, and enough action to make the Blade movies seem slow and ponderous. And I try to make fighting vampires practical in a modern age.....  I just really wanted to use the Throwing Stars of David and Vatican Ninjas. 



So, what do you think?  Please comment below.... and keep it clean.