Who would Captain America vote for? An election special

A while ago, someone decided to take a look at the politics of Captain America, something I thoroughly made fun of him for, though the original author at Salon.com found my article, and declared he was completely tongue in cheek. Honest he was.

In the spirit of going completely and utterly over the top, I figure I would take it one step further.  However, I'm going to tell you right now that this is a joke from minute one to minute last.
Batman: 

Bruce Wayne has approximately more money than God, deals in advanced technological research, and while he has been known to contribute to the occasional ecological issues, he's also been known to draw the line at basic, reasonable limits (he won't, say, be in favor of sacrificing lives to save an endangered squirrel or something similarly ridiculous).  Also, can you imagine Batman dealing with an Occupy Gotham movement?

There would be pain, there would be fear, and then, they would run screaming for their mommies.

VOTE GOES TO: I think we've got a Romney voter here

Oliver Queen, aka Green Arrow (DC Universe). 

Why, yes.

I do think I'm Robin Hood

For those of you who don't know Green Arrow, personally, he's sort of like the anti-Batman.  While also from a rich, industrial family, Oliver Queen is Left-Wing. I don't mean Democrat, I mean Left-wing, pseudo-socialist.  Half his conversations with the Justice League involve him screaming "You're all a bunch of fascists!"  I'm not even certain he knows how serious he is about such things.  In any event, it's kinda clear that he'll vote for the most Left-wing politician there is. The only politician like that who will reliably show up on the national stage, including Queen's fictional Starling City, would probably be Barack Obama.

However, since Ollie had been Mayor of Starling City once, he'd probably put himself on the ballot, and promptly vote for himself.

VOTE GOES TO: Either Obama, himself, or the farthest Left-wing candidate.

Captain America (Steve Rodgers)

Because I'm Captain America, damnit.

Pro-Army, pro-gun, pro-Apple pie, Captain America has spent his entire existence dealing with foreign policy issues.  On social issues, Steve would be very 1940s -- abortion was a dangerous, illegal procedure, and any pills like birth control or contraceptives were also illegal, so that entire issue is a nonstarter. Economically, his attitude would probably be very much on the order of, "People get their own jobs, right? Well, a little hard work, everything will be fine." Between those two, I think we've got a one-issue voter.   Given the rate of speed the Benghazi disaster is shaping up, I can't imagine him voting for anyone other than Mitt Romney.

VOTE GOES TO: Romney

Iron Man

This is a tough one. Despite the movies, billionaire industrialist Tony Stark mostly resides in New York City, which makes him a definite shoe-in for a Democratic voter, no matter who the candidate is.  Also, keep in mind that a lot of Wall Street tycoons are supporters to the Democratic party -- John Corzine, Robert Rubin (Goldman Sachs), Citibank, and George Soros (Democrat and Obama's biggest supporter), Brookfield Asset Management, Lehman Brothers (who now work for the Obama Administration).

On the other hand, Tony Stark is a pro-weapon kind of fellow -- let's face it, he's gone a few steps beyond the second amendment, and his father made the nuclear bomb -- and let's look at most of Tony Stark's villains. He fights Soviet Russians, Communist-Chinese, as well as other competitors. In the comic books, Stark was pretty much supposed to be pro-American, right-wing, supports America's wars sort of fellow.

And he made a killing on all those predator drones....

VOTE GOES TO: Either Stark is a Romney voter, or he'll be spending election day at home, drunk.

Superman, aka Clark Kent
Clark Kent is a big city reporter, and over 80% of journalists are Democrat supporters, so it should go Obama.  Kent has also recently given up a job with the Daily Planet because it was bought but someone who kinda resembles Rupert Murdoch -- evil big business, after all.  So, that would be left-leaning.

On the other hand, Clark Kent was raised in Kansas by a rural farming family.  However, as Superman, he once rescinded his American citizenship for five minutes.

VOTE GOES TO: Romney and Obama, depending on who's writing Superman at the time.


Bruce Banner, aka The Incredible Hulk 

Dr. Bruce Banner, fugitive from practically everybody on the planet, he likes the back end of nowhere, and staying as far from military and local authorities as humanly possible.

Enter Obama, who seems to want to cut the military budget and the US involvement in foreign affairs.  And he has anger management issues.

VOTE GOES TO: Obama.

Nick Fury

Another World War II vet, Nick Fury is a spymaster, will defend the planet against enemies foreign and domestic, which will make him both socially conservative and pro-military.

VOTE GOES TO: Whoever Fury has rigged the election for, so, probably Romney.

Daredevil, aka Matthew Murdock

A New York trial lawyer, Daredevil is a natural Obama voter. The ABA backs democrats automatically. Mathew Murdock is also all about community. I could see him as a supporter of Occupy Wall Street, if his super sense of smell didn't cripple him every time he found a client who never showered.



On the other hand, Matt Murdock has always been Catholic.  He's very Catholic ..... then again, he's a bit of a man-whore in the Marvel Universe.

VOTE GOES TO: Obama

[MORE BELOW THE BREAK]

Music blog: Game to Play the Game (of Thrones)

And so, while you (and my life) are put on hold this week, enjoy some music. This is Peter Hollens and Lindsey Stirling performing the main theme to the tv show Game of Thrones.

Something to listen to while reading A Pius Man.

Interview with Karina Fabian, author of "I Left My Brains In San Francisco"

So, round two. Yesterday was the guest blog for Karina Fabian as part of her virtual book tour for I Left My Brains In San Francisco.

The premise?

Zombie problem? Call Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator--but not this weekend.

On vacation at an exterminator’s convention, she's looking to relax,
have fun, and enjoy a little romance. Too bad the zombies have a
different idea. When they rise from their watery graves to take over
the City by the Bay, it looks like it'll be a working vacation after
all.

Enjoy the thrill of re-kill with Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

Q: The first NL was a great satire of reality shows, with just the occasional shot at politicians. What made you go to a Zombie Exterminator Convention in San Francisco? Why San Francisco?

I’d just gone to World Fantasy Con in San Francisco, and my brother-in-law worked at a refinery in Richmond, and thought it’d make an awesome location for a zombie attack. (He’s been promoted and lives in LA now; no connection to the book). Plus, my publisher lives in San Jose, and she loves San Francisco, so it was an easy choice.

Q So it wasn’t just an easy way to slip in more political shots along the way? If that's the case, was DC taken?
California is an easy target, but it was the thought of zombies at the famous tourist sites that I enjoyed, although I didn’t get in as many as I’d expected. The story demanded other locations. Still, there are some great vignettes at famous spots. Maybe someday, I’ll write some short stories of the other sightings that didn’t get in the book.

Q: In the first NL, the EPA was going after detergents that Neeta thought was most effective about fighting zombies. Did you throw that in to imply the EPA would go after it *because* it could fight zombies, or was it just for fun?

They didn’t go after it because it would fight zombies, but because they’re hard on the environment. That was kind of the point—never mind that they’re our best defense against zombies; in large quantities they might affect the Spotted Peeing Mouse or somesuch. Of course, the whole idea of bleach being an effective zombie repellant is pretty ridiculous, so the real point is fun.

Q: The Neeta books seem to be your most political. They take swipes at the EPA, trial lawyers, eco-terrorists, the Occupy movement, and I'm sure a few other political targets that I'm missing.
I should have a contest to see how many things I poke fun at in these books.

Q Why Zombies? Were vampires taken?

Zombies were not my idea, actually. Kim Richards founded Damnation Books and asked folks to write stories for an anthology called *The Zombie Cookbook* to kick off the publishing company. So I wrote a funny one called “Wokking Dead,” which was more food puns and silliness than anything, but people loved Neeta and she asked me to write some novels.

Q: In the last book, the main adversary of the book seemed to be general stupidity -- be it of reality show producers, or everyone who seems to think they know better. In this, it seems to be eco-terrorists of the group called TREE. What made you decide to focus on them as a primary bad guy?

I needed a reason for zombies to attack a fuel refinery, and by the logic I’d already set up in Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, it couldn’t be random coincidence. They had to have a reason to make the effort to go there, and to do damage once there. Eco-terrorism just made sense.

Q: This blog's latest release has been about a murder mystery at a science fiction convention -- essentially, humor via culture shock. What's your approach to it?
To humor? Twist cliché’s, take a trend to ridiculous extremes, puns, and generally amusing myself as I strive to amuse others.


Q: Did you have to work VERY hard on all of the in-jokes? The GPS voice named Majel? The monofilament sword called "The Buffy"? That sort of thing.

Oh, no! That’s the easy part. Those come to me as I write, but I (and my family) crack those kind of jokes all the time, so I have lots of practice. Ditto with puns. We used to reward our kids for coming up with puns. Rob and I actually fell in love during a pun war while eating pizza and watching Looney Tunes cartoons at a Shakey’s in San Angelo, TX. Humor is important in our house.

Q: What's next for Neeta? A. Zombie for Presidential candidate?
Zombies are not considered persons—there was a lot of debate and work on that, and even in the 2040s, there are still some who try to get them registered to vote. (And some that rise from the dead in hopes of completing their civic duty—amazing, I know!)

The next thing for Neeta and Ted is a ski vacation in Utah. Unfortunately, when a ski team killed in an avalanche returns from the dead to finish the competition, it turns into a working vacation. “Shambling in a Winter Wonderland” will be a story written in serial to raise money for Operation Homestead. Folks will find it in mid-November at http://skizombies.karinafabian.com

Q So, what's next for you?

Right now, the serial story. When that is finished, I’ll probably finish Gapman, a super-hero spoof in my DragonEye, PI universe. I’m also toying with publishing some of my novellas via Kindle.

Q: What've you been reading lately? In fiction, or non-fiction, or politics?

I just finished *Monster Hunters: Legion* by Larry Correia, which was an awesome book—definitely “popcorn” reading, but fun! I also have been reading a lot on the space industry, so Space News, Nations Space Society, etc. I’m blogging about it at http://fabianspace101.blogspot.com , Rocket Science for the Rest of Us. I get enough “politics” via Facebook. I’ll be glad for November!

Review: I Left My Brains In San Francisco

Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, is back in Neeta Lyffe 2:  I Left My Brains In San Francisco.  After hosting the show Zombie Death Extreme (which has spun off more copies of the franchise than anyone in the book can count), Neeta is back to her job Re-killing the undead.  However, for this book, she's off to a Zombie conference in San Francisco. There will be scientists, government researchers, fellow re-killing experts, as well as enough vendors to outfit a small armory.

Also tagging along is her business partner and sort-of/maybe boyfriend Ted, who had been a cameraman on Zombie Death Extreme, and has joined her as an exterminator with a penchant for setting things on fire. Usually zombies.

But there's something out in the dark waters of the bay that is restless, cold, and dark, and hungry.  And Neeta is about to have a busman's holiday from hell....

No, that's not the summary from the back of the book, that's the short version of my own summary.

Now, let's start with all of the good things about this book.

The details put into this world is impressive, and even reminds of me of early Laurell K. Hamilton (when the books were dedicated to building up her character's world, not her list of sex partners).  The global politics are well put together, the various legal systems regarding zombies, etc (and, sadly, I can see some idiot passing a "no eco-profiling" act). I liked the shots she took at the Occupy movement, and creating degrees in professional protesting (since anyone who read my self defense columns knows my opinion there), and, once the book gets started, they have a solid, amusing running gag involving a group of eco-terrorists.

There is also a ton of details and thought put into the development of anti-zombie weapons systems, from monofilament swords (model such as "the Buffy," or "The Highlander", and, of course, the "Inigo Montoya"), to specialized squirtguns, and flamethrowers.  There is a talking GPS named Majel (Star Trek joke), and a whole bunch of little moments that make this book quite enjoyable. And, of course, having recently been to DragonCon, I could easily believe some of the panels at this particular convention.

And, frankly, Madam Fabian may have already spoiled the best scene in the book for you the other day in her own guest post.

Now, I have to be honest, this book will be tough to get into.  In the first 20 pages, we've split four different ways.  There is Neeta -- her convention, her vacation plans, and her relationship with her business partner/maybe-boyfriend.  Yes, her maybe-boyfriend.  Along the way, we also have excerpts about an eco-terrorist group called TREE (Terrorism for Radical Environmental Enhancement), and dropping TREE"s founder down a watery grave.  We also trip over a professional protester wandering around the Bay area. At that point, the reader has no ideas what's going on.  It's a little like reading a Tom Clancy novel -- you have several things going on at once, but you don't know how they interact until page 100. In this case, we're not that lucky.

I have to say that I like making fun of San Francisco. I do it often. However, when I'm reading a book, I want to have a story, character, and plot. *Then* you can go on for pages at a time having fun at a city's expense. By page 25, she is so wrapped up with making fun of the strangeness that is San Francisco, I honestly started to wonder why I cared.  The jokes were funny -- probably because I've been there -- but the travelogue making fun of the practices and policies of the Left Coast probably could have been saved for later on, when the story, characters and plot were better established.  Instead, I was leftwondering why I kept reading.  This was one novel that refused to get out of its own way.

In the previous novel, script excerpts from a proposed documentary were used to fill in the back story of the history of how zombies work in Karina's world.  She once again falls back on the model to explain the history of TREE.  While this model worked to great effect in the first novel, that was because the relevance of zombies were established on the first page.  Here, we have no idea EXACTLY what impact TREE will have on the plot until page 167 (of 229), while the documentary snippets explain the history of TREE back on page 15.  Early Terry Prachett novels barely got away with similar methods of dropping in "huh?" elements early in the book (showing you things that you have no idea the significance of just yet), but he usually saved the explanations until you knew what the heck was going on.  Mrs. Fabian allows no such leeway to her readers.  She has put Descartes before the horse (sorry, math joke).

CHARACTER

In the last book, Neeta was witty, and smart, and tough. As we opened, she seems to have lost her wit and her smarts are not as on display. Her toughness is only tested with a zombie in the opening and the strength of character from the first book doesn't even return until more than halfway through the novel.  For a lot of this book, stuff happens to her, and she seems to be dragged from one event to another with little to no say in the matter. It felt like a forced character arc -- "Oh no, she was too self assured in the last book, we need to make her more neurotic in order to make her interesting, and then fix her."

Also, Neeta's thoughts continually go to an apprentice she lost on page one of the first book.  Which is odd, because she dwells more on the loss of that particular idiot (he died because he eschewed his body armor in order to show off his abs for the audience) in this book than she did in the first.  It was jarring and inconsistent with her previous behavior. There are even moments when it looked like said dead apprentice would become relevant in some way, but mentions of him peter out by the end of the novel.

There are brief, fleeting mentions of pills, and a psychologist, and one presumes we're supposed to deduce from these bits of detail that she's suffering from PTSD, but the only reason I even notice them now is that I have a PDF copy, and a search engine.  If PTSD is the diagnosis Madam Fabian wants us to come up with, she should have been a little bit more clear -- also, Neeta should have had flashbacks, heightened awareness, and not merely bad dreams and "stress." After all, if any normal person had her job, bad dreams should be par for the course (in fact, the subject of her bad dreams -- having to re-kill loved ones -- was an entire chapter in book one). Also, if PTSD is the conclusion we're supposed to draw, then it is entirely undercut by one scene with Ted, which makes all of her behavior seem like a result of inborn neuroses.

In short, this book doesn't begin to get interesting until page 40, when we actually get to a convention, and reconnect with several characters from the previous novel.

After page 40, the book only gets slow when Neeta is no longer on the page (though to be honest, those good parts might have had more to do with her sort-of-maybe-boyfriend, Ted, who stole many of their scenes together). The exception to that rule is a scene where a zombie horde runs into a survivalist store. It doesn't end well for the zombies.

There are a  lot of interesting characters in this book. Sadly, they're not used very well.  In fact, they are barely used. One of the strengths of the first book was the ensemble cast of strong and quirky personalities. Instead, we are given a neutered Neeta who only knows what to do when there's a Zombie in the area, and Ted, who we only see through the eyes of other people, who may be the more interesting character this time around.

SPOILER ALERT

By the end of the book, Ted proposes to Neeta. I'm a sucker for a good romance. Pity we didn't see any romance whatsoever. For most of the book, Neeta is wondering what her relationship is with Ted.  Now, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer when if comes to social cues, and things like that.  However, the idea that Ted is going to propose to Neeta when she's not even sure if they're dating takes being thick to a whole new level of brain dead. Considering how perceptive Ted turns out to be by the end of the book, it's a striking oversight, and I mean more like a backhand.  Much like Neeta's personal character arc, it feels forced, almost obligatory.

END SPOILER

I have no idea what's going on with the story, but so many things felt forced, it feels like someone else wrote the book.

Again, I had fun with this book.  At the end of the day, I think most people will enjoy it, especially if you have faith that, eventually, everything will tie together.  Trust me, it does.  However, if you read book two back to back with book one, you're going to have to just go with it. You'll probably enjoy it more if you don't argue with the narration, and turn your brain off.  Treating this like a murder mystery, where you try to solve the riddle of what's going on here, will not work.

If there is a book three, I will read it. I would assume that many of the little things that were "off" about this book were one-offs.

At the end of the day, if you have some extra money kicking around, and you want something to read, you could do worse than this.

Guest post: Karina Fabian on Zombies

So, when Karina Fabian offered to write a guest post for the blog, I figured I'd take her up on it. After all, I was slowing down after all of the DragonCon posts.

The topic I gave her? I wanted to know why the heck anyone wanted to be bothered with zombies.

She sent me the following.

Keep in mind, I think the following includes the best scene in her latest novel, Neeta Lyffe 2: I Left My Brains In San Francisco.

Why Zombies? Using the absurd in  fiction to show the absurd in life.

Survival Hardware
hadn’t seen such a rush of customers since the last Armageddon
prediction coincided with Black Friday.

Manager Clint
Sanders rubbed his hands with glee. Oh, Marley, if only you
hadn’t gotten drunk and decided to go zombie hunting. Was it only
last Christmas?
He hurried to
Customer Service, crafting an announcement in his mind. “You want
to live! We want to live! That’s why you are going to file calmly
to the back if you need a suit.”

Yeah. Sense of
urgency, plus that “We’re in this together” crap.

He got to the
counter and nodded at Bitsy, who had rung up a chainsaw and a
half-crate of bleach.

God bless
survivors. Clint continued to the back. Out of habit, he checked
the exit door, even though it was always locked from the outside. He
needed to delete Marley's old code from it.

He cleared his
throat. “Listen up! You want to live! We want to live!”

The exit door
clicked.

“That’s
impossible!” he declared. The store fell silent.

“Boss?” Bitsy’s
voice ended in a squeak.

“That’s not
what I meant! Security team to customer service!”

He reached under
the counter for a shotgun. Bitsy grabbed the chainsaw. They had
filled them that morning—another example of the excellent service
at Survival Hardware.

The door swung
open, and the zombiefied remains of his late business partner,
Marley, staggered through.

Clint to blasted
him with the shotgun. The impact knocked the Marley out the door.

Clint used the
gunsight to scan the parking lot. “He brought friends! Call
Nine-One-One. I’m putting this place on shutdown.”

“Screw that!
I’ve been prepping all my life for this!” With a howl of
challenge, Bitsy dashed out the door. She swung low and decapitated
her former boss before moving on.

Thundering
footsteps signaled the customers following in her wake.

He gaped at the
carnage while Dirk called 9-1-1. It’d be too late by the time they
got there. All that’d be left was to clean up the zombie parts and
get the customers back in to pay.

God bless
survivors.

---From I Left My Brains in San
Francisco, by Karina Fabian

In the 2040s, zombies have become a
reality. They rise from the grave, intent on eating brains or
sometimes completing something that they didn't finish in life--even
if it's a beer and a TV show. And, true to so many phenomenon in
life, we are caught unprepared and unaware. That's how I started the
world premise, and I let the story take me from there: People want to
understand them, defend them, study them, use them--but above all,
they want those vermin out of their yard! Thus, the hero of the
story--Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator.

It's an age-old science fiction
writers' trick--use the future to discuss an issue of today. In my
case, the zombies are just part of a world gone a little loopier than
it is now. You’ll find a great example of government waste and
bureaucratic infighting in the Broken Bridge, started as a
cooperative effort and halted with 120 feet to finish—and one side
60 feet lower than the other—because neither side communicated with
the other. Video blog sites have exclusives on banned videos of a
gruesome carnage—but only for members. California has subsidized
protesting; and everyone gets an Adult Starter Allowance until
they’re 25, as long as they aren’t working, of course. The
newest environmental theory is Global Fattening, and the hot new
protestors, the undead!

All of this makes a delightful mishmash
of insanity into which to drop one woman who just wants to protect
people by rekilling the undead--and hopefully making a little money
and having some kind of social life while she's at it.

I hope you’ll enjoy I Left My Brains
in San Francisco. It’s all in good fun, but if any of it comes
true, I’ll be back in 30 years to say “I told you so!”

Bio On The Author

If there’s such a thing as ADD of the imagination, Karina Fabian has it—in spades. Craft books, devotionals, serious science fiction, comedic horror and chilling fantasy—she follows her interests and the characters that tell her their stories. 

Even before she could write, Karina strung tall tales about everything from making human pyramids in Kindergarten to visiting alien worlds. Her first attempt at novel writing was in fourth grade; she completed her first novel in college. However, her first published work was an anthology of Christian science fiction, Leaps of Faith, an EPPIE finalist for best anthology in 2006. Her next anthology, Infinite Space, Infinite God, featured Catholic characters and themes and won the EPPIE for science fiction. The second Infinite Space, Infinite God anthology came out in 2010. 

Watching the comedy improv show, Whose Line Is It, Anyway, inspired her noir-style dragon detective, Vern. Vern and his partner, Sister Grace, have solved mysteries and saved the Faerie and Mundane worlds numerous numerous times in the DragonEye, PI stories and novels. Their serial story, World Gathering, won a Mensa Owl; and the novel, Magic, Mensa and Mayhem (Fabian’s first published novel), won the INDIE for best fantasy in 2010. The second DragonEye book, Live and Let Fly, came out in April 2012. 

At a friend’s request, Karina wrote a funny story about a zombie exterminator, which grew into the Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator novels. The first, Neeta Lyffe, Zombie Exterminator, won the 2011 Global E-Book award for best horror, and was runner-up in the eFestival of Words for best YA. 

She also writes serious science fiction. Her SF novels, Discovery and The Old Man and the Void, are currently under consideration, and she’s working on the next DragonEye novel, a superhero spoof, Gapman. 

Karina has a strong faith, which she explored in her devotional, Why God Matters: How to Recognize Him in Daily Life, which she wrote with her father Steve Lumbert, and which won the 2011 Christian Small Press Publisher Award. She also writes Catholic school calendars and has written three craft books for the Little Flowers/Blue Knights clubs. 

Fabian is married to Colonel Robert A. Fabian of the USAF, and they are currently enjoying a long distance relationship while he’s stationed in Iraq. They have four children, an overgrown pup, and a harried cat. When not writing, teaching writing, or chatting about writing, she’s hanging out with her kids or swinging a sword in haidong gumbdo. 

DragonCon Report #6: an hour with Peter David

Just when you thought that this thing would never get posted (and, at several points, I didn't think it would be), it goes up.

Peter David is at the end of every Star Trek track at the end of every year.  He's the last hour on the last day of the convention. The way he told the story one year, someone in charge of scheduling said "Peter David? He's the last person I'd want to see," and random minion wrote down "Peter ... David ... last .... person."

And so a tradition was born.

Anyway this is an hour video.  He starts by killing time with some DragonCon memories, discusses projects he has with Will Smith (a movie called After Earth), his problems with the publishing industry (which suddenly doesn't make me feel so bad), and more.

Music blog: Elements, by Lindsey Stirling

Yeah, the DragonCon video extrazaganza will have to stop for the moment, due to technical difficulties.

But here's some music. Enjoy.

DragonCon report #5: Photo Layout

You folks will have to be stuck with a few measly photos.

Granted, some of these photos are of some fairly spectacular stuff.  For example, we have this lovely woman on the right here, as Jessica Rabbit. 

Unlike some people, who came in with obviously plastic measurements,
this woman was your standard beautiful woman. 
She carried it off well because she had simple sexy down pat.  Yes, if you’re wondering, I do think sexy is more than just a collection of physical attributes.

But, obviously, that might just be me.  If you don't believe me, read A Pius Man.

That's one of the nice things about DragonCon -- people are there to be looked at. 

You can take a photo of a stunning person, then sit down from each other on the same rug because both of you have feet that are in serious pain.

Let me see, there were a whole boatload of costumes at DragonCon.  CosPlay is very much a factor.  And, while I would have really liked to have taken photos of whole crowds, it was too dark to capture all of them, at least with my camera.

One particular group was called CosPlay deviants. I'm sure you can find them online somewhere -- they even have their own calender.

I'm not entirely certain where the deviant parts come in, but what do I know?

As you can see, on the left we have yet another very lovely poison Ivy. You'll remember that a few days ago, I came across the same one twice -- there were actually so many kicking around at DragonCon, I couldn't keep track of them all.  And I had shot one on Friday, and one on Sunday ... even though it was the same exact woman.

But, well, I'm not exactly complaining.

One strange little phenomenon, though, were the ones doing full on impersonations.  Batman isn't that creepy unless he's sneaking up behind you and playing with zip lines in an atrium ballroom.

However, when you have a woman dressed like Harley Quinn (from the video game Arkham Asylum) and doing a pitch-perfect impersonation?  That is bloody terrifying.

She was actually go good, when she walked off stage at one of the many costume judging, she was actually called back by the crowd, and host Peter David (dressed on the left as the Green Hornet) so she could keep doing an impression of Harley.

Welcome to DragonCon.

Anyway....

Yes, there were women out there dressed in more, um, interesting costumes.

Exhibitionism at DragonCon?

 No, really?

Why do you ask?

Ahem....

I'm not complaining.  That's all I'm going to say about it.

There were other good costumes there that had no cleavage involved.  For example, we had one fellow in a very good Spawn outfit.

Yes, I know that he's a guy, therefore there can be no cleavage, but that has never stopped a Con-Goer before, why should it start now?

And if you have no idea what I"m talking about, you have obviously not been to many Conventions.

Moving right along....

This next costume will be of interest because it's of Carol Danvers, aka Miss Marvel, part of the Marvel comic universe, and possibly a participant in one of the upcoming Avengers movies, Guardians of the Galaxy -- which means we might be looking at one of our next Avengers.

No, no cleavage exposed here, either. But, again, I'm not complaining.

Besides, there's a reason I didn't post my photos of the "Power Girl" CosPlayer.

Anyway, I think that's enough for now, don't you?

Be well all. I hope to have Peter David live tomorrow.  Here's hoping.

DragonCon report #4: For A Lord Of Time, and Torchwood

This was a DragonCon Report that went a little sketchy.

How sketchy was it?

It was so sketchy that I'm going to have to resort, once again, to other people's DragonCon vids on youtube.

To start with, a little bit of strange, strange music.

If you don't know who Peter David is, he writes stuff.  A lot of stuff.  Ever read comic books with the Hulk? He wrote that. X-Factor and Young Justice? I think he owns them both.  Any good Star Trek novel, he wrote that, too.  He's written Halo novels, any movie novel adaptations not written by Max Allen Collins, Spider-man comics, Fable novels, and King Arthur (Mayor of NYC), an a wolf gets bitten by a werewolf and turns into a man for three nights a month, and .....

Anyway, Peter David, he writes stuff.

In this case, he also did a song parody for Dr. Who.  I can't even begin to describe it, so I'm going to show it to you.  However, be warned, I will be posting the rest of this panel later in the week. I would have posted it yesterday, but my internet wanted to take over six hours to post it to YouTube, and I had to get to work in the morning.

Enjoy







And this was a panel with John Barrowman discussing Torchwood.  If you like that sort of thing.

DragonCon Report #3: Fightin' and Writing with Ringo; Buffy with Marsters and Landau

A Poison Ivy on line, with Zombie backup.

So, yesterday, believe it or not, didn't go exactly as planned. I would have sworn that I had filmed at least twenty minutes of the Furlan / Boxleitner panel. So much for that idea.

I had taken notes, but much of the notes I had taken had been posted online in various and sundry pieces and parts.

As I said, it wasn't exactly as I wanted it to go.

However, one of the things I did get to record involved John Ringo.  You might get the impression that John Ringo is my favorite author, given how much he's been mentioned lately (and considering my review of his latest novel). He might be, but considering that I read practically anything that's not nailed down, that would be hard for me to say.

I can tell you that it would be nice to be John Ringo when I grow up.  I'm already about as sane, but I would like to write as much, and as often ... then again, that would presume I'm also published, so....

Anyway, John Ringo appeared at one panel on the Saturday night of DragonCon, called Fightin' and Writin' ... yes, it was spelled exactly that way, try not to shoot me.  Things went a little strange with the audio, so I spliced the bad audio to the end --  the last part might be harder to hear, but it's a small part of the whole video. I thought the facts he went through are fun.

Writers really should be taking notes.

I shot her twice on two different days.

The Ivy's started to blur after a while.

Now, next, there was another panel that I was not at.

Again, it was a panel that I could not get in to.

Welcome to DragonCon.

Who was on this panel? The case of the Avengers? The leaders of a major TV show? Major film stars?

James Marsters and Juliet Landau.

If you're asking "Who?" the answer is Spike and Drusilla from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer universe.

The last time that I did a DragonCon report, I was pounding out transcripts for a month.  I am so not doing that again.  So I'm going to take my time, and assemble a lot of my notes in an orderly fashion.

Don't be surprised if I have a whole blog dedicated to pictures at some point next week.

Now, on with the vid.

DragonCon report #2: Babylon 5 and Firefly

Wonder Woman at DragonCon

Believe it or not, I didn't get into a lot of panels at DragonCon because they were standing room only, and not even that. The Lord of the Rings panel was crowded out, Torchwood panels were crowded out, even guests Adam West and Burt Ward (Batman and Robin from the 60s) had so many fans that the place was crowded out.

However, as John Ringo has said, what happens at DragonCon, stays on YouTube.

So, who needs to go when stuff is being filmed?

Answer: Me. Much of what I did go into didn't even get put online.

So, one panel, which I didn't get into, is a Firefly panel.  For those of you who don't know Firefly, it is a sci-fi western of Joss Whedon's from about ten years or so ago.  This panel had Sean Maher, Jewel Staite, and an appearance from Adam Baldwin -- his first appearance in years, since he was busy working on a show called Chuck.





Below the break, Babylon 5 stars Mira Furlan and Bruce Boxleitner (aka: Tron), discuss their work on the show.

DragonCon Report 1: Marketing Wins, Epic Fails, MacGyver, and Rocket City Rednecks

A casual Con-goer at DragonCon, dressed

in a Witchblade costume

So, I survived DragonCon 2013.  This has possibly been one of the craziest I've ever been exposed to.  One panel said that the registration was up 30% this year, and another one mentioned that "We stopped selling tickets around 50,000 this year.  That's what we told the fire marshal. Shh."

Yes, "50,000" people spread over five hotels.  Did I ever mention I have a mild phobia of large groups of people?

Let me see, a few things worked, a few didn't.  You remember I had at least two evil plans for DragonCon.

One was an epic fail. I was going to give copies of It Was Only On Stun! to John Ringo, Timothy Zahn, and Peter David, and hope they liked it enough to give me a blurb.

John Ringo said that, since he tends to write in the voice of books he read, he was rereading his own books.

Timothy Zahn stated, before a room full of people, that he hasn't read fiction in ten years.

By that point, I didn't even bother with Peter David.

However, on the other hand, I was going to hand out flyers for the five free days I was giving out my book to Kindle users.  I had 500 flyers.  The free promo period ended last Thursday. I had 1304 people read the book. So, I guess that's a bit of a win.

Anyway, moving right along, we're going to start the first DragonCon report with something a little lazy -- to start with, I'm going to post a video of Richard Dean Anderson, better known as MacGyver, or as an officer from Stargate, the tv show.







Now, I found him a little boring, and if you folks agree, well, I'm going to try to make it up to you with a video of Travis Taylor (author, physicist, runs a show called Rocket City Rednecks) and John Ringo (author, author, and font of a lot of various and sundry knowledge),  Sadly, it's only ten minutes.  I couldn't get into this panel, since it was standing room only, and I didn't feel like being fit in with a shoehorn.

I actually thought it was kinda awesome, but I'm a nerd.




Be back tomorrow with more vids, and photos, and maybe some written reports.

Book review: Masks, by RM Hendershot.

Unlike other blogs, I try not to allow personal issues to show up here. I usually only use personal issues when they’re of use to anyone, usually in the form of writing.

However, I have to post a disclaimer here in the name of honesty.

Long time readers may remember that, for a while, I had posted about a blog a week, referring to my friend RM Hendershot, the author of Masks. If you’re wondering why I stopped, we had a falling out. Some things were said, and, to be honest, I’m not 100% certain what happened. It was very sudden, and very one-sided – and I wasn't on the side that knew anything.

However, I had promised her that I would review her book, and review it I shall. I keep my promises, if nothing else. Obviously, you know that I will not be giving her a good review out of love – eros, agape, or any other kind – and I will avoid a hatchet job, if I can.

To begin with, all of the heroes were dead. Dead as a doornail. Ten years ago, they were all slaughtered as part of a supervillain’s killing spree after he learned that he was dying of cancer. After that, no superheroes call LA their home anymore.

Enter Rae Masterson , the “mask” known as Peregrine -- powerless, unless you count snark as a superpower. She has nine arrests under her belt, even though five of them have been of Captain Catastrophe, whose name is suitable in more ways than one. Our story opens with Rae witnessing the kidnapping made by one of the local supervillains, Cobalt.

In another part of the universe, Trevor Gray, a former sidekick, modeled somewhere along the lines of Tim Drake, has been recruited by one of his fellow homeless to find his friend – someone who had been kidnapped by Cobalt.  He's a genius-level detective ... but he still can't understand girls.

As Rae and Trevor investigate the abduction from two different angles, they run into each other, and hilarity ensues.

I generally don’t like Young Adult novels. You have to get someone very specific and very good to get me to bother with one. Timothy Zahn, David Weber, Peter David, CS Lewis, are the few authors of YA books that I’ve read and that I’ve liked. Take your Hunger Games and your Twilight, and I’ll sooner given you back Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Chronicles of Nick first.

However, I like this one. It’s witty, and it’s fun, and it’s smart. It’s better than anything comic books – the usual medium for such things – has put out in years. I thoroughly enjoyed the book, and that’s not because I helped with one of the death traps. It has a lot of stuff most comics lack – character, for one. Everyone here has a surfeit of personality, even the bad guy, and the sidekicks, and the local superman equivalent (everyone has at least one). Chapter eleven has a shootout between three female characters, and not one mudwrestling joke…. someone should sent it to DC Comics.

Everyone in it has a solid story arc ... or a character arc, if you prefer. And our hero and heroine have some good, natural chemistry.

It has the snobbery of high school, the stupidity of bureaucracies (in short, it's very realistic) and, the most important part: this book doesn’t treat the audience like they’re stupid.  It has offhand references to the Fischer King of Arthur, and even Universal monster movies. They also have some nice nods to actual comic books -- there is a Busiek hall, named after the creator of Astro City, a Lieber hall, named after Stanley Martin Lieber, who also goes by the name Stan Lee.

Not to mention, I also like the art. I’d post a few samples, but they’re not mine to post. No, this isn’t illustrated; they’re just pictures at the opening of each chapter, that’s all. But they’re nice and straightforward, and I can tell who’s who. Which puts the artwork above some Marvel comics I’ve read.

All in all, it was fun. There were some nicely executed Hitchcockian moments along the way, as well as some moments that J. Michael Straczynski would love.

Quite enjoyable.

Music Blog: Nightwish's Last ride of the day

This I grabbed from both John Ringo, and Mookie, of Dominic Deegan.

The group is Nightwish, who I've had in prior music blogs. The song is the "Last ride of the day."

And I suggest you hang around for the lyrics. They are truly something to be inspired by. I couldn't get the video I wanted, mainly because it couldn't be embedded. I'll live.

Hitting the big leagues -- being interviewed at Fortnight of ... Mustard?

Today, I"m going to be a little bit lazy.  I'm going to let someone else do the work for me.....

Sort of.

I'm actually interviewed over at A Fortnight of Mustard (yes, seriously.) and at Catholic Once Again.

It's always nice to deal with someone who likes my books. :)

Anyway, enjoy the interviews.

The Singing in the Wood: Guest Blogger: John Konecsni on Catholic Humor

So, I have a guest blog in .... for someone else.

I suppose you're an internet celebrity when you can do guest blogs for other people.

Karl Erickson, who I met through the Catholic Writer's Guild, let me write a guest blog. When I asked for a topic, he said Catholic writing.

This is what he got. Enjoy my blogging from the hip.

The Singing in the Wood: Guest Blogger: John Konecsni on Catholic Humor

Music Blog: A Stirling Phantom

I'm starting to run out of ideas for blog posts.

Actually, it's 3:48 in the morning as I write this, and I just finished sending a manuscript to Baen Books -- you know, the guys who publish John Ringo, David Weber, et al -- and I just learned I'm not going to hear back from them FOR 12-18 MONTHS!  So, ahem, shoot me now.

Either way, I'm in no condition to write.

You know what that means.

Music!

And, what better way to relax as you read A Pius Man than another bout of Lindsey Stirling, this time doing a rendition of Phantom of the Opera (the two themes anyone knows), complete with electric guitars in the background.

Enjoy.

"It Was Only On Stun!" A brief review.

How did I get to It Was Only On Stun! you ask?  Here's how.

I'm Getting Published. ~ My announcement, and why, after years of sweating A Pius Man, I went and self-published something completely different to start with. Answer: prequel, and "test run."

So, now what?  How this blog, and you, faithful audience, influenced the book.

What Happened to A Pius Man? A more thorough answer to what happened with the novel.  Originally written in answer to a member of the Catholic writer's Guild who asked why I was self publishing at all.

Marketing Concerns and Self Publishing -- I've published my own book, but how am I going to get it out there?

Cover Art, Graphics, and Slowly Going Blind. -- Doing your own cover design.

Forget Sparta. I! AM! PUBLISHED!!!!!  I was officially published on July 4th, 2012. Let freedom ring. I waited for blog post #300 to get sappy.

Trailers for "IT WAS ONLY ON STUN!" ~ My new trailers. I think you'll like them. They're funny.

Pricing, Royalties, and Createspace  How I make money.  Though I should note, as of now, Amazon.com is having a price drop on my book, so it's cheaper than it is posted there.

Pricing, royalties, and Createspace

Before I begin, I should probably mention: Declan Finn has an Amazon.com author page. And two five star reviews.    And another one on A Pius Man.  Go me. :)

So, now that I've published the book, the one question I've gotten has been: "So, how much money do you make from this?" Alternately phrased as "What way of selling makes the most money for you?"

Well, that's a funny story.

First of all, you may have noticed my above links. I have different tabs for different pages -- in particular, Amazon.com and Createspace. Why is that? Here's the reason.

My first book book is $14.95. No matter where you see it, it's $14.95. In Great Britain, it's £9.55 ... which is $14.95, as of this writing. In Europe, €11.88. How much of that do I get? Depends on where people buy it.

If people buy an Amazon.com paperback, I get $5.22. If people buy it on Kindle (at the price of $9.99), I get between $3 and $7 (it's a long story, I either get 30% or 70%, depending on multiple factors). The same goes for the equivalent exchange rate in the UK and Europe.

If people buy at my original publishing website, Createspace, I make more money ... a whole $8.21 per book. It doesn't seem very impressive, but trust me, when you start selling a few dozen copies, that extra three dollars adds up quickly.

And here comes the reason why the publishing companies are in trouble, comparatively -- I am allowed "Expanded Distribution," which means my books are available at brick and mortar locations, such as bookstores, libraries, academic institutions, other online retailers, that sort of thing.

However, that way, I only make $2.23. Why? Think about it -- there are logistics involved, transportation fees, the inherent risks of not selling every last copy that a brick and mortar bookstore buys, making up for the money lost in the books that didn't sell, that sort of thing.

And people wonder why some authors, like Barry Eisler and Terry Goodkind, have gone to publishing on Kindle. Keep in mind, they have name recognition and they are their own franchise. I just have friends, family, and you, gentle readers.

In short, in an ideal world, to make close to six figures, I would need to sell 10,000 copies via Createspace, 20,000 copies via Amazon.com, or 50,000 copies at brick and mortar bookstores.

As of this date, I've sold 40 books, and made around $300. I don't think I've been this happy in a long time. No, it's not much, but I worked for every last penny.

In my quest to be published, I have worked within the system, and relied upon the people in it in order to reach the end goal. Through no fault of their own, these people could not get me published. And, because of that, I have been reluctant to rely on anyone besides myself and God Himself.

As the old Bill Cosby routine with Noah's Ark concludes, "It's just you and me, Lord."

Well, now I'm relying on myself, and God, and you, dear reader. Enjoy.

Trailers for "IT WAS ONLY ON STUN!"

Yesterday was the big announcement -- I'm published! Muahahahahahaha

Anyway, I thought I should show you both trailers for my book.

The first one is set around fan favorite Sean Ryan -- while he was a character in A Pius Man, he started here, in It Was Only On Stun!  Yes, we're starting with the fun trailer.

Awesome, right? Thankfully, that's mostly due to the music.  Do I own all those weapons? Of course not. But that's why you have friends who are police officers.

Now, the second trailer is probably something I will come to regret.  Remember all of those neat videos I did for A Pius Man?  I got my friend James to voice one, and Matt to voice another?  Well, It Was Only On Stun! has an author who writes "the Matthew Kovach mysteries" -- he's about 5'10", slightly overweight, wears glasses, is blond with blue eyes.

I figured, what the heck, he looks like me, I might as well do the bloody trailer.

This, however, was the result.  I suggest you watch until the end.  At least that is funny.

If you want to buy the book, go above. It'll take you directly to a kindle, or a hardcopy purchase.

Forget Sparta. I! AM! PUBLISHED!!!!!

I waited three hundred posts just so I can use that headline. Really....

Okay. No, not really. It just turned out that way.

But it's true. I'm published.  Not only is It Was Only On Stun! is available on Amazon.com. But so is A Pius Man.And you can also buy a kindle copy, right here. And a schedule for a virtual book tour, and maybe even a real life book tour, will be forthcoming .....

But I'm going to take a moment here.

I'm not sure you know what this means to me.

It's been fourteen years.

Two million words. Dozens of rewrites. Entire novels spiked. Two agents. A dead economy, "the end of publishing," and every negative thing about the business of publishing you've ever read in The New York Times.

There have been bridges burned with people whom I have deeply loved. There are people that I owe this to who are no longer talking to me. People who cared just enough to encourage me, but not enough to stay. There have been people I, admittedly, drove away while I was being driven insane by the thorns of this world.

It's been a long road, with a lot of work. I want to thank all of you who stayed around to read what I've had to say.

And, of course, there are specific people who have stuck with me that I need to thank, like: Jason Bieber, Karina Fabian, Kelly Garcia, Ester Lamm, Matthew "Funtime" Pryce, Allan and Annie Yoskowitz, Ann Margaret Lewis, various and sundry people from the Catholic Writer's Organization (Ellen Gable Hrkach, Jacqueline Vickers, Ann Seeton, and, of course, Walter Staples, who can now compare writer's notes with The Great Author). And, of course, there is my family, including my sister Margaret, who helped me with her editing services of Just Write! Ink (on Facebook).

I owe all of you. And I only hope I remembered you all in the acknowledgments. It's all been kind of a blur, so if I missed you, my aim will improve next time around.

Hopefully, you'll like A Pius Man to a ridiculous degree. You'll want to gift copies to all your friends, and insist that they do the same. Unlikely, but I've been living on hope and Red Bull for so long, I'm shooting for Mars (because the moon is just not ambitious enough). It's also a fairly kick-ass action, mystery, and comedy.

And, if by some chance you don't like it, well, I've got a dozen more books, each with a different flavor and style. The next book will be A Pius Legacy.  One way or another, it will be published.  Will it be by Amazon.com? Maybe.

Winston Churchill (everything interesting said in World War II is attributed to him), after the battle of El Alamein, said, "This is not the end. This is not the beginning of the end.  This is, pray God, the end of the beginning."

This is my beginning.

Thank God.

And thank you, too.



But, enough sentiment: here's a fun video with epic music, and weapons.









By the way, while this is an aside -- I also have a new website. Enjoy, all.

Vlog: FREE BOOKS. And interviews

So, that was painless.



On Thursday, I was part of a Twitter interview in the #Writestream thread.  You might still be able to find it kicking around.  However, if you missed that, you can find me on ... a radio interview online.



I've got a fan, and it shows.



Coming soon, I'm going to have a tab for reviews and interviews. Normally, I'd separate the two, but there are some interviews that are just so filled with effusive, positive feedback that I can't NOT have them lumped together.



Next step, continue working on The Main Webpage.



And did I mention my interview at CatholicFiction.net?



Things are busy.



Oh, nuts, and did I mention THE FREE BOOK?



Details below.

Updates, and a new announcement.

So, this happened.



Enjoy.



And buy the book already.  :)