Story by Twitter: From the Secret Service with Love

Twitter of Wilhelmina Goldberg. Secret Service Agent.


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A good day. Just returned from New York. Back in DC. Settle in, have some wine, go to bed. Great.



Not great. SEAL wants to see me. Personally. Maybe they'll let me beg off.

They are NOT letting me beg off. I called the Secret Service switchboard. They sent me to SEAL.



FAQ: SEAL = POTUS

FAQ: POTUS = President of the United States. [PS: if you don't know who POTUS is, why are you following my tweets?]

SEAL saw me personally. I'm going to do a security audit on the Pope. WTF?

Pope Pius 13: AKA: Joshua Kutjok. Former Sudanese / Ugandan Cardinal. [I'm fuzzy on the details]. He apparently made enemies. Serious on security.

Discovered that Pope has hired security consultant as well. So, Pope IS serious about security. Maybe he'll listen to me.

Researched security consultant. SERIOUS security. By serious, I mean as in war zone. He wants security, or an assassination?



Have to go to Vatican City. Priests, old construction, probably no WiFi, Italian food (Kosher Italian? Unlikely). At least the wine will be good.



At airport. Showed the TSA guys my badge and my gun. He wants it checked in a box and labeled GUN in a bright steal-me-orange. Idiot.



Still an idiot. Threatened to disarm him. Called his supervisor. Still waiting



TSA idiot grabbed me. He now knows not to mess with the girl at groin height.



Waved through. Took 'em long enough.



Plane delays. Would inform the Italians, but they haven't been on time in decades.



Got a text. Apparently, they have technology in Rome, and they check departure times. I may not hate them.

FAQ: How can I have twitter and be in Secret Service? I don't know anything secret. I'm a 4'11” tech geek, I jump in front of no one.



Boarding now. Later.



In Rome. Nice airport. I have a cute escort. Nice butt. Pity he's married.



Perk of my job. I get to play tourist, take pics. Nice looking city. Still no WiFi. Thank G-d for iPhone.



Crap. Building exploded. Body fell on car.



I'm taking crime scene pics with my digital camera? WTF?

Head of Vatican protection commandeered murder case from locals. Joy. Rapture.

I hate Rome.